Im so tired of everything. i hate everything i hate stupid people that think that they're giving advice and say that others have it worse. i hate everyone who has it better. i hate my life. i hate my family and i hate most of my friends. i hate living. i hate making mistakes i hate regretting. i hate most everything. i hate liars and i hate people who are supposed to be there or here but theyre not. i hate people who say that they're my friends but really dont know how to be one,. i hate family,. especially mine. i hate how they constantly fight and then expect to live a happy life. i hate having to pay for other peoples mistakes and reliving everything that has ever hurt me everytime that something bad happens. i hate being judged when theres no truth or fact to back it up. im tired of this all. im tired of not being good enough to stick around for. im tired of people. im tired of myself and my stupid  attempt of living "normally" in this life if there even is such a thing. i want to leave so bad. but i cant. ill be 18 soon,. but where will i go. you know it really doesnt matter as long as its not here. i cant wait to leave. it has to be better than this. everything i have isnt really mine. i feel so empty and tired and yet i havent done anything useful. at least no one thinks so. im dissapointed in myslef for letting insignificant people distract me from my goal of leaving this life. if i actually put more effort into last semester i could have a better chance of leaving somewhere so far that id never have to see anyone ever again. unfortunately im a useless piece of crap that decided to screw my life. i guess i just wanted to join everyone else whos screwing with me too. i had no other choice. but i really did. why me. why me,. but in a why its not just me but it seems that way because im living it. im always living it. evrything goes by so fast but so slow. i couldve been leaving this year but unfortunately i had crack head kindergaden teachers. i was too young. im still too young but old enough to do everything else that im "supposed" to do. isnt weird how things work out. people you know go do stupid ass shit that you dont beleive in doing but in the end they dont get the worst of things but you yourself do. how nice. how wonderful. im a good empty person. or so i tell myslef. what happens now. unfortunatley some more living. it never ends

Currently Playing Emancipation of Mimi By Mariah Carey see related

- Its like that

Wow! Its been so long that ive been here. i seriously forgot that i had a xanga. but i remember now. To sum up my life right now,..hmm, its been really busy with school spanish at the college, piano and then SAT prep. i seriously was overworked for a few months but its starting to get smoother SAT's are over and done with,. that is untill i take then again in that fall. I still have spanish but right now its spring break there so no classes. I went through the scaryest thing in my entire life on tuesday. I got inot a horrible car accident and i just thank the Lord that im ok. My back and neck really hurt but at least im alive. There are a lot of times when life isnt worth living but after these kind of events you realize that you're happy to be alive even if things arent the way you want them. I really like my life at them moment now that i think about it. Who knows how long that'll last though im always getting worked up over weird things. I cant wait till this year is over and im a senior. AHH i wish i was a senior now so i can leave and go somewhere far away and just see knew things and meet new and different people. Its so exciting. but unfortunately im a junior but im enjoying at the same time.

Love  Me

Have you ever wanted something like hmmm,.. some sort of clothing or object and you keep asking your parents for it but they dont get it,. and then all of a sudden you find out you can go buy it the next day but you've waited so long and now you wonder if that thing is really worth all the fuss? And you dont have the same feeling for it and you feel blah? Well thats how im feeling right at this moment. except i never intended to buy anything in the first place. Well,.. its been a good break,.. i didnt do anything which is my problem and now im stuck with all this work to do,. but in reality i dont have the desire to do it,. even if it means my grades will go down. thats just the kind of mood that junior year has given me. OMG,. i just bought the cutest birthday card for my nephew! it is sooooo adorable. i cant believe he's going to be 1 already. Mayn i wish i had a car!! Ahh i get so frustrated with not having my own ride. I want to be able to leave when i need to and not have to remind people that we have to go. Its just a huge hassle. i am soooo done with this ooh lets leave you at school till four because i have other things to do first. Not my type of concept.

Christmas list:

1.new cell phone 2. lab top. 3. DVS 4. white /black jacket(soooo gorgeous) 5. white purse (like LC's on LB) lol 6. earrings,. earrings,. rings,.braclets..pretty colors 7. more tommy girl perfume and Happy,..ooh and new to my collection,. burberry britt 8. scarf from lerner new york. 10. cotton shirts from express. 11. Mango lotion from the Body Shop. 12. that rice paper for oil,. from the Body Shop. 13. CD player that goes on my wall (removable) and that the cd is able to be seen spinning. 14. Laurens strawberry scented socks 15. the edible panties that kellie will recieve on June 26, 2005 just for luaghs. and maybe for hunger.

Love

Diana                     P.S Shes really alive,. lol fortunate for certain people.

Omg,. I am soo ganna DIe!!!!! MY grades are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.. bad. OK im not ganna die,... but i sure as hell ganna cry and work my ass off till my grades are safe*

Missing you

Diana

I just finished reading quite a bit of xangas,. just because i was bored and most of them spoke about how fake or tired or alone they feel. I truely dont understand how somone can have so much around them and not notice how loved and lucky they are. I feel very lucky to have everything i have. Yea, i do feel alone sometimes but its no secret that im depressed about a certain event that took palce a WHILE ago. Maybe i just dont know these people well enough to truely know them. I dont like that feeling, I have a problem with not being able to help people when they need me,. or someone not liking me. Its a bit weird. But in the end if i realize you really dont like me,. i can drop it and not think of you again. Unfortunately there are some exceptions to the above and it rhymes with pansie. Special people. Good and Bad. Anyway,. i still cant comprehend all these people that seem so happy all the time but in reality have pain hidden underneath. If im sad,. you'll know. but i guess its just easier to put on a good face and "go witht the flow" (Pansie). I guess i do that too. I can act happy but if you remind me of my troubles,.ill go to shut down mode. Maybe thats why i laugh so much. To leave all the hurt that i dont even want to think about,. or begin to cope with because it feels like it just gets worse. "Me myself and i thats all i got in the end,.. thats what i found out and there aint no need to cry i took a vow that from now on ima be my own best friend." (beyonce). I guess in reality im just like everyone else. It just doesnt feel like it. I hope  my fire comes back. I miss that tingly feeling. I need to seriously start going to church again. I mean i go but im not really there, at least not all of me. I wish i could be like others who cant help but want more of God. Lately,.. ive just been wanting to be.

Missing you

Diana